17 Weeks - Turnip the Beat

Bitch peas! I think it's thyme you lettuce turnip the beet! Ahhh... nothing better then putting aside school work to have pun with food. Salami-get this straight, I'm 17 weeks today! Holy shittake, that went fast! Booked my scan for the big gender reveal for the 16th of May (a couple of days after I'm 20 weeks). A bit nervous but I will romaine calm and carrot on. 

Had a great long weekend down on the Gold Coast for Easter. Had a few family and friend's events which is all good but definitely starting to hear those classic pregnancy cliches. This week's goto was, 

"What do you want it to be? Oh you are probably just happy with anything if it's healthy." 

"Actually, we are hoping for a squid. A jaundice squid."

But seriously, I don't have a preference. Human would be nice. As of today I'm about 75% sure it's a girl. This is purely based on the following extremely reliable internet wives tale tests: 

Chinese Gender Test.  Both due dates (Oct 2nd and 1st... yeah they changed the date to the 1st) said girl. Then again it said that my lunar age is 33. EXCUSE ME? Screw you lunar year. Now want this to be wrong solely on principal. 

Heart Rate Test. Last week heartbeat was 158... so apparently that means girl (anything over 140 bpm). That or it's not handling all my cheeseburger cravings well.

Beauty Test. Little girls rob mother's of their looks (oh hell no guuuurl) and cause acne and blemishes. If this is true, it's most definitely girl.

Cravings Test. If you crave sweet it's a girl and sour/savoury it's a boy. I've been craving sweet... and sour... and savoury. Baby RuPaul?

I'd like to thank Mel Baker and family, Grandma Lorna and Gaye for the great new baby items (see below)...

And a huge thank you to Grandma and Grandpa G for the car seat! Zippy is very happy that he can travel safely and in style. Now to just get one for the baby...

• How far along: 17 weeks - size of a turnip, onion, pear, yada yada
• Total weight gain: up another poundish. about 3-4 lbs overall 
• Maternity clothes? just the same pants and shirt
• Stretch marks? Nada
• Sleep: Waking up at 4:30am every morning with a headache and booger nuggets
• Best moment this week: Eating lots of chocolate for easter!
• Miss Anything? Contact sport 
• Movement: Still no flutters
• Food cravings: Curry - but eating Indian as I type! Craving resolved.
• Anything making you queasy or sick: People chewing loudly
• Gender: chica
• Labor Signs: No
• Symptoms: Headaches, soooo stuffy... Dr told me to suck it up 
• Belly Button: Doughnut 
• Wedding rings: On
• Mood: Up and down. Mainly good.
• Looking forward to: Pasta bake on Sunday... yes, food is my life now.

16 Weeks - The Guac Ness Monster

Just past the big 1-6 week mark. No real big milestone but it can now apparently hear our voices. Ohhh fire truck! If it was deaf last week and can hear now, it is going to have quite the surprise hearing the words that come out of daddy's mouth watching the Bronco's game tonight. I was reading stories about kids saying funny things and thought it'd share this little gem:

While waiting for heavy traffic to clear, I hear from the back seat, my three year old: “Fuckin cars. What are all these fuckin cars doing here?” 

Driving down to the coast last night it said "heavy congestion" so I had to pull out all the stops and threaten Andy with Christmas Glee CD. Faster than a hooker in sketchers he was silent. Not a peep. 

Apparently at week 16 baby's legs are now longer than it's arms. I guess Andy stopped growing at that stage. Sorry Andy, it's just too easy. Did you know that we have the same length legs? Yeah I'm 5'4'' and he's 6 foot. Not even kidding. Comes in handy when his outfit calls for leggings and to be fair I have an abnormally short torso. This could result in an extremely odd shaped child. Imagine a Steve Urkel silverback hybrid. 

Had our first appointment with a midwife at RBWH. The student midwife tried to find the baby's heartbeat with the mini doppler and when I heard one I embarrassingly let out one of those One Direction tween girl squeals. Then the real midwife lady condescendingly said "Ummmm that's your own heartbeat". Bitch. Acting all cool, I replied, "Uh.... yeah... I knew that. I was just excited I was still alive." Sure I tricked her.

Now that my belly is growing a bit I've had a couple people ask if we are going to get maternity photographs. At first I'm all "hell no", but now I'm all "this could be fun". If you are expecting a Christmas pressie from the new parents this year please be prepared to receive one of the following prints for your lounge room. Taking orders now.

Dissolution of the Republic of Labia.

Nothing says pregnancy like naked Tom Cruise.

What every October baby needs.

Not even pregnant. 

I'd also quickly like to wish my beautiful youngest niece Emerson a wonderful 4th birthday! She is the sweetest little girl and has already put together a bag full of her toys and has offered up her bed for the baby. You will be the best big cousin ever! (you too Ava) :) 

• How far along: 16 weeks - avocado baby
• Total weight gain: who knows? couple kilos...
• Maternity clothes? nothing new this week but loving maxi dresses
• Stretch marks? No, but boobs are weirdly see through 
• Sleep: Fine, lots of baby dreams. Sometimes just random kids.
• Best moment this week: Building the cot with Mizzy! Unfortunately, we built in in my bedroom and didn't realise it won't fit out of the door so I'll have to dis and reassemble in baby's room. 
• Miss Anything? Beer - it's the holidays! :(
• Movement: Not yet - but midwife as the hospital this week said I should be feeling movement soon
• Food cravings: Curry
• Anything making you queasy or sick: na
• Gender: boy now... no girl.. no...
• Labor Signs: No
• Symptoms: Headaches 
• Belly Button: Black hole
• Wedding rings: On
• Mood: Pretty steady... no crying this week (although, MKR did take a week off over easter)
• Looking forward to: Easter with the Afflecks and eating. a lot. 

15 Weeks - Granny Smith and Wesson

Sorry this post is a day late but I've been busy with a boat load of school assignments and lately it seems that I have the IQ of room temperature so things are taking me a bit longer.

Mini A has grown to roughly the size of an apple, hence grandma smith packing heat. It can wiggle its toes and fingers and whattoexpect.com says it's eyes are moving to the front of it's face. Wait what????? Where exactly were they?

It also said that now I should be gaining about a pound a week and belly should really start growing. I've read in some of these pregnancy message boards that ladies are worried about their belly buttons popping out. I, on the other hand, can't wait! 

There are two surefire ways to get me to gag to the point of vomiting:

1) That little bit of water that comes out before the ketchup, and

2) Touching my belly button. 

  

And since I have an extremely deep belly button it is nearly impossible for me to sufficiently clean into the abyss. Honestly, it's been so long I have no idea what is growing/hiding/fermenting in there. I read a story once about a morbidly obese women who would find sandwiches days later in her folds, so who knows, maybe I'll find lunch. 

Anyway, I'm really hoping that it will pop out slightly so I can really give it a good wipe out/down. However, I know that not all buttons pop and everyone is different, blah blah blah... but I figure there are 3 bb possibilities that I should look out for: 

1) Perfect little pop. Easy to clean and adorable.

2) The entire thing pops out at once and Andy's can say "Deine mutter hat drei bosom" to our kid.

3) It continues to recede deeper and deeper and I must swing by the local prison turn it into an animal's asshole.

I'm publicly hoping for the first option, but secretly I really do like cats.

Next Wednesday we have our first appointment at the hospital (all the others have been with my GP and the radiology place). I believe we will be working out what mode of care I'll be using and where I'll go for my fortnightly appointments in the third trimester. I'm pretty sure I'll be seeing the midwifes at Nundah Community Health but it is the public health system so.... 

• How far along: 15 weeks
• Total weight gain: numbers are starting to move up... up about 3 lbs from the very start
• Maternity clothes? YES! bought a pair of cheap stretchy maternity jeans after I had to leave school because it was painful to sit in my regular jeans any longer 
• Stretch marks? No
• Sleep: Good! Keep dreaming I'm drinking beer and eating handfuls of cold deli meat... wake up panicked then satisfied. 
• Best moment this week: Sleeping in this morning
• Miss Anything? Salami and butter sandwiches 
• Movement: Not yet
• Food cravings: Chocolate shake
• Anything making you queasy or sick: Na, just writing about belly buttons
• Gender: Hmm... had a moment where I was thinking boy this week but now back to girl.... few more weeks!
• Labor Signs: No
• Symptoms: Feet and legs super sore
• Belly Button: Marianna trench
• Wedding rings: On
• Mood: Good for the most part... still a bit mood swingy 
• Looking forward to: Not doing anything today that requires a bra or pants

14 Weeks - John Lemmon

Silicon, the once forgotten nutrient, is now recognised by plant physiologists as essential when creating successful culture media. WTF? I had a midterm in my plant biotech class yesterday and that is one of the few things I remembered (baby brain is REAL people... ). Anyway what was I talking about? Oh yeah, silicon. My point being... Silicon's atomic number is 14. US Flag Day also falls on the 14th. Generally speaking, unless you combine silicone and Flag Day, 14 is a pretty boring number.

I'll salute to that.

What isn't boring though is body hair. Baby Aff is now a fluffy fetus! It is growing eyebrows, head hair and a fine coat downy hair all over it's lemon sized body. When searching about lanugo, I came across my new #1 registry wish:

 

What child (or mama) wouldn't want a Japanese ginger baby doll strutting pubic overalls and afro anklets? I sure do! 

Speaking of wacky/amazing Japanese items, Jess and Joey brought Andy and I back Adam and Eve toothbrushes from Japan a couple years ago and I've been saving them for my future child. Can't wait to break these puppies out! Who says oral care and sex education can't go hand in hand? (FYI, do not, I repeat do NOT google image search "naked people toothbrushes").

My scheduled school was cancelled today, so instead of being responsible and studying or starting one of my 10+ assignments, I decided to take the day off and cater to my weaknesses. You may take away my booze, deli meat, contact sports and heavy lifting pastime, but by god you will not take away my "it's so bad it's good" reality television addiction! My favorite parts are the "pre birth dramatizations". Either they purposely only hire attractive actors or you get substantially more ugly after giving birth. Today I fed my addiction by watching:

• I Didn't Know I was Pregnant 
• My Teen Daughter is Pregnant and So Am I
• Dr. Phil (Pregnant and Out of Control AND My Daughter Faked 2 Pregnancies)  
• Teen Mom* (new ep out tomorrow... can't. wait. that. long....ahhh)

 

"TV/Pregnant Polly"

"Actual/Post Pregnancy Polly"

Further news in the A&J Affleck household included the purchase of our first 2 big baby items! I would like to thank Grandma and GPa Affo for the pram! We also bought a cot this week! It's all coming together - *excitement squeal*. Oh yeah, It's a City Jogger City Mini for those who judge people by their pram (I would never!). As you can see below Andy has taken to practicing with Zippy the zebra while wearing the appropriate NFL attire.

• How far along: 14 weeks
• Total weight gain: still minimal.... so much bigger but little scale movement... weirding me out
• Maternity clothes? Jeans are the bane of my existence
• Stretch marks? No
• Sleep: Loving it
• Best moment this week: Taking off my bra and yelling "Release the krackens!" - Also blood tests came back and the probability of having a child with down's went from 1:632 (for a 30 year old) down to 1:7932 after the tests (the same as a 16 year old!!!) - Way to go genes!
• Miss Anything? pants that fit
• Movement: nada
• Food cravings: French Toast
• Anything making you queasy or sick: No makeup selfies
• Gender: Still guessing girl
• Labor Signs: No
• Symptoms: lots of happy tears; I cried 3 times today:
• 1) Lion King airplane flash mob video, 
• 2) Pranking it Forward video, 
• 3) HIMYM finale (and I don't even watch that show!!)
• Belly Button: Way In 
• Wedding rings: On
• Mood: Generally good w/ waterworks. Refer to symptoms... 
• Looking forward to: Emotional cot assembly. Refer to symptoms...

13 Weeks - Peached Az Bro

With Andy's favourite number, today we are at 13 weeks! Wasn't sure what to call his week's post... considered Princess Peach, Dill Murray, and one for my mother, Dill Clinton: ImPEACHed! 

Baby is ~6.62 cm long and (according to google search) roughly the size of a peach, pickle, pea pod or espresso cup. Where did I get the exact CRL measurement you ask? (CRL: crown to rump length - I read the books. and websites. and Q&As. and obsession?) Well..... we had our second scan yesterday! Here are the stats:

• Heart beat is 153 (exactly what it said it should be in my pregnancy science book - little mr/miss perfect already)
• Nuchal fold was ~1.5mm (well under the 3.0mm high end threshold)
• Lots of movement and well above the average adorableness range

Still waiting for the complete blood and scan combo results but taking no news as good news. Only got one photo. We did get a bunch of scans that says REFERRING DOCTOR TO OPEN but with my MacGyver skills and long thick prenatal vitamin nails I've already looked at them 4 times.

Presenting baby Affleck 2014:

Although eerily similar looking, it is NOT in fact the scary 1960's inflatable Bobo Doll. We saw other shots and baby's legs were crossed and arms were crossed up by its head. Just your average fetus lounging on an amniotic pool raft. 

My dad thought it looked like him and Andy's mum thought it was a spitting image of Andy at that age. I think it looks like me, however I currently do look like an inflatable punching clown. (In all honesty all I could think was "Poor thing already got my underbite... orthodontic fund stat".)

I'll leave it up to the blog public to decide:

This week we have a surprise guest contributor! Now that we have officially seen baby Affleck and know it's there and growing, Andy wrote it a little letter. Feel free to tear up... mama almost did (hey, it's no MKR commercial). 

Dear Child to Be (CTB).

Welcome to Earth. Your mother and I are very happy to bring you into the world. Before we get started, let's address the elephant in the room: yes it's true, you weren't planned. But, we both love surprises and you're the greatest little surprise we could ask for. Given your mother and I are terrible at keeping a secret, you are probably the last surprise we'll ever have again.  

We won't ask for much. All I ask is you don't arrive Grand Final weekend. I'll even be prepared to share my birthday with you -- hey, we can share our 18th and 50th birthday parties kiddo.

Love,

Dad to be. 

• How far along: 13 weeks
• Total weight gain: Up a pound, 2 lbs from the start total. Belly is definitely bigger though.
• Maternity clothes? No but lots of leggings and baggy shirts
• Stretch marks? No
• Sleep: No problems, knock on wood
• Best moment this week: Farted Oporto fries scent. Seriously. Spitting (smelling?) image... AND going to Sydney with friends and seeing Lion King
• Miss Anything? Beer and feta (again)
• Movement: Not feeling anything but bubs was hopping around like crazy during the scan
• Food cravings: Indian (the cuisine... no cannibal cravings yet)
• Anything making you queasy or sick: Tip: Don't smell your own pee cup when giving a sample. You WILL vomit.
• Gender: Girl for sure, even Andy jumped on the girl bandwagon
• Labor Signs: No
• Symptoms: settling down, just shortness of breath and dizziness 
• Belly Button: Way In 
• Wedding rings: On
• Mood: Gradually improving each week 
• Looking forward to: Getting all the test results back and pram shopping! (Andy is stooooooked)

12 Weeks - Cream of Plum Yung Gai

We made it! According to the world wide web, 12 weeks is about the time most people feel comfortable making pregnancy official. Apparently you aren't really pregnant until Facebook knows. If that's true, I've been pregnant for a few years now because FB has kindly taken to advertising fertility herbs and baby yoga and since I approached my late 20s. While I appreciate FB's "ticking biological clock" advertisements I think I'll reveal all next week after my 12 1/2 week scan is complete. I know I know, get on with it already, but the W^3 will be aware soon. Here's a fun fact, it looks likes this blog has been viewed like 18 times in Vietnam. Not kidding! I would officially like to say:

"Chào mừng bạn đến 18 người theo tiếng Việt của tôi ... hoặc một đầu đọc phía đông nam châu Á rất đam mê."

or loosely translated:

"Welcome to my 18 Vietnamese followers... or one very passionate southeast asian reader/stalker." 

As far as I know Baby A is developing well. Honestly I have NFI but I've been getting dizzy and fat so I think that's a good sign. I have to admit that I've also been a little more lenient with my eating this week. I had a salad with feta and bagels with cream cheese. GASP! Call social services! Granted, the salad only touched feta and I got the mini cream cheese tubs so they are freshly opened each time. Ok ok, maybe I'm being a wee bit anal retentive. But to make my point, let's look at when people say, 

"Well back in my day we ate, drank, smoked whatever we wanted and my kids turned out fine!" 

Did they though? Did they really turn out FINE? Hello people!?!? It's 2014 and we STILL don't have flying cars. I can't speak for you but I for one am really counting on this future generation to give little Shaylalynn Jo her flying confederate flag decaled truck, Leif RainCloud his soaring VW Bus and Pat Ellen-Portia her airborne Subaru Outback. Now that's what I call FINE! 

Jess reminded me that Baby will be born in time for Halloween! So please feel free to help with costume ideas. Baby will have a costume even if we only wear it around the house. It's not like I have a pet to torture and andy only lets me dress him up bi-annually... so Baby it's all you! Thanks to the addictive soul stealing Pinterest here are some top contenders: 

Warning: Cuteness overload. Hold on to your ovaries ladies.

Unfortunately, unless I can find someone who can crochet (hint hint Jess) or sew (hint hint Karin) looks like this is #1 in the "Most Likely Costume to Actually Happen" category:

• How far along: 12 weeks
• Total weight gain: Actually down a lb, but pants are super snug
• Maternity clothes? Bought my first maternity t-shirt. Still too big.
• Stretch marks? No
• Sleep: Good
• Best moment this week: I learned a couple valuable lessons. 1: To avoid diarrhea do not eat 1/2 a bag of prunes in one sitting. 2: To avoid projectile vomiting don't scoff down a Macca's cheeseburger then run to catch the train. 3: To make your wrestling weight class disregard aforementioned warnings
• Miss Anything? Energy
• Movement: Not yet
• Food cravings: Mac n' Cheese... can't wait to get the TMNT ones in the US!
• Anything making you queasy or sick: Sitting for long periods of time...  especially after eating
• Gender: Hmmm... think it's a girl but keep referring to it as a "he". Major gender identity confusion?
• Labor Signs: No
• Symptoms: Dizzy, fatigue, bakers dozen muffin top, bloat, nails nice and thick
• Belly Button: In
• Wedding rings: On
• Mood: roller-coasterish 
• Looking forward to: being home alone (+ fetus) this weekend with Thai and TV

11 Weeks - Optimus Lime

For my 11th birthday I got a Dairy Queen ice cream cake with a horse on it that said "Lucky 11"! I remember thinking I was so clever with that cute little rhyme. I have a Dr's check up, ultrasound and a couple blood tests this coming week to test for baby and mama health... needless to say I hope that "Lucky 11" holds and everything goes well. 

Compared to week 10 my mood has been a bit better (aka. not such a psycho hose beast).  To Andy's relief, looks like 1st tri hormones are settling down slightly. Granted I teared up at a MKR commercial (again), almost punched a hole in the library wall, and have a new found hatred for males wearing handmade capris. I don't care how hipster you think you are or how cool they are in your home country, for the love of god, give the midgets back their pants!

Baby is now the size of a lime and, unless it is a mini Joseph Stalin, all of the webbing between the toes and fingers should have receded by now. Nail beds continue to form and it still sports a 1:1 head to body ratio. 

I tried to take a bump photo but just looked gross and fat (and was embarrassed by the messy house). After a few loud door slams and restraining myself from smashing my phone, you are getting a blurry angry faced photo and pregnant guinea pig. Enjoy.

• How far along: 11 weeks
• Total weight gain: hard to tell... not much on the scale but feels like this: 

     (8 year old indian boy included)

• Maternity clothes? No, but going to look for a Bella Band (or similar) tomorrow 
• Stretch marks? No
• Sleep: Good... body feels sooo exhausted but head isn't that tired
• Best moment this week:  hmmm...pretty average week. got an awesome burger at Grilled... does that count? And Andy just texted me "yolo".
• Miss Anything? American food! (e.g., taco bell, Mrs Grass soup, Garden Burgers, crispy bacon, diner hash browns, breakfast sausage, Gardettos) and salad bars
• Movement: Heaps, but all stuff I'm about to throw up
• Food cravings: bacon
• Anything making you queasy or sick: looking at our bank account
• Gender: Have switched sides and now putting my bets on girl
• Labor Signs: No
• Symptoms: Bit of morning afternoon sickness, body is so exhausted after just walking home from school
• Belly Button: In
• Wedding rings: On
• Mood: Dear Neighbours: DO YOU REALLY HAVE TO BLOW LEAVES AROUND EVERY FKING DAY ALL DAY? IF I HAD A SHOTGUN! Dear Mother Nature and my Blinds: AND THE WIND! SO LOUD! SHUT UP WIND! Dear Andy: DID YOU JUST SERIOUSLY LEAVE THE SARAN WRAP OUT AGAIN? Dear Guy on Bus: IT'S CALLED DEODORANT YOU SMELLY PIECE OF SHIT .... sorry, was good earlier this week. today... yeah not so much.
• Looking forward to: Eating BLT's and omelettes